Baby Steps
by Red Iced Tea
Summary: Steps taken to get back to normal.  Follows after Cooper talked to Sheldon in 4.10.   Char/Coop.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I do not own the characters or anything. They belong to Shonda Rhimes and Private Practice.

This is my first attempt at writing not because I have a compelling need to write but because of my active imagination, seeing as there is no new episode until January.

Chapter 1

Cooper's POV

"Baby steps, Cooper". That's what Sheldon told me, among other things. "With all that has happened to Charlotte, both of you need to take baby steps". "It would also help if you tell her how you really feel".

So here I am, standing outside our loft and rehearsing what I was going to say. I open the door and Charlotte is sitting on the sofa with her knees to her chest. Tears streaming down her cheeks but no sound coming from her mouth. Her body shaking from the crying

I sit beside her, shoulder to shoulder. Near enough but not touching her. I long to pull her into my arms to comfort her but I know she won't let me touch her. "Sorry I'm late. I was talking to Sheldon and didn't realize the time. I know I should've called but I left my phone on Sheldon's table in my hurry to get home".

She sniffled and said "You're a grown man, Coop. You don't need to explain your whereabouts". I answered "But I do. We live together now and at the very least, I need to tell you where I am so you don't have to worry". More sniffling. "Not worried ", she drawled. I nod But I Know Her.

We sat in silence for a few minutes while I went through all I need to say in my mind.

Perhaps sensing something, Charlotte stiffened and asked "Cooper, are you leaving me?". I looked at her and very softly said "Oh, Charlotte, I'm not leaving you. I love you. I want to spend my whole damn life with you" I hear her sigh of relief but braced myself for her reaction to what I'm about to say.

"What happened to you, I can't begin to imagine...… I don't know what to do, how to help you." "But this is the thing, I'm here for you, please don't shut me out." "I miss the normal things, talking to you about the good and the bad of the day. I wish I could hold you when you're having a bad day but I know you're not ready". "I would settle for being able to wipe your tears or even just holding your hand".

In one long breath, I blurted out everything I needed to say before I get interrupted. The old Charlotte would have.

After a few minutes, she sighs , leans her head on my shoulder and puts her hand in mine. I clasp her hand and squeeze it softly. She relaxes against me and doesn't recoil when our shoulders touched.

Baby steps. This is still not the Charlotte I fell in love with but for now, this is enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Holding Hands, Lunch Dates and Hugs.

Charlotte's POV

What he said wrenched my heart but I wasn't ready. He knows me that well. So I decided to give him some comfort and something to hope for. I'm not one to admit this to him but it took sheer will power not to pull away when he squeezed my hand nor flinch, when our shoulders touched.

Cooper is probably one of the few who can wear down my defenses. The man sure is persistent, thank goodness. Kinda like a puppy with a bone. He kept hounding me everyday after that. Sometimes making up excuses just to hold my hand, until he didn't have to ask and I didn't flinch anymore. He makes it a point not to grab my hands without my seeing him first and I appreciate that, a lot.

We've also been spending a lot of time walking along the boardwalk. He'd look at me with puppy eyes and say "Let's go grab something to eat. It's too nice a day to stay indoors". The same puppy eyes he used the night he proposed. There were times when I wanted to scream at him and say "Not now Coop! This is LA for goodness sake. It's always a nice day out.". In reality, it felt good to take a breather and get out of That place. We'd talk about mundane things while eating; took my mind off my chickens, even if it's just for an hour.

* * *

A girl was admitted to the hospital today. Her injuries not unlike mine; even worse. She was beaten to a pulp and in a coma. Neurological damage was extensive, Amelia said. Later, Addison confirmed the possibility of rape. Unlike myself, she had no family. Police are trying to find next of kin.

As Chief of Staff, it was my duty to be here, in these types of situations. Normally, I like busy work; busy work kept my mind off other things But the presence of the police and the image of that young girl were enough to trigger flashbacks. I'm trying to keep it together, clenching my fists to keep my body from shaking. So tight that I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms. Addison could see the effort was taking it's toll on me and called Cooper. She told me that she will take care of this and will page me if she needed me.

I nodded, said "Thank you" and hightailed out of there. Cooper found me later, in my office, sitting on the floor by the corner. He padded softly, knelt in front of me, took my hands until I looked at him. He took a page from Naomi and said "Charlotte, I'm going to hug you". I resisted a bit, trying to push him away but his arms enveloped me anyway albeit loosely. He was so gentle that I felt safe. He kept repeating "It's alright. You're alright. It's going to be okay.", echoing what I had told him that fateful night. We stayed in that awkward position for quite a while; until I couldn't feel the bile coming up my throat and my heart was no longer racing. "I could get used to this", he said with a smile. "Well, don't", I said, but I tell myself – "so can I".

Baby Steps. It started that night when I let him hold my hand. I didn't realize it at that time but in trying to hold everything in, I can't hold on to something else . When I opened hands to his, only then can I start to receive the support he was offering. I definitely can get used to this.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Cooper's POV

I told Sheldon the other day that one of the things I miss most is the spontaneity. Not just on the physical side of things but just in the day to day. I feel like I have to be more deliberate because I didn't want to upset Charlotte any more than I have to. Whereas before, I could just grab her for a hug or a kiss. Now, I try to make sure that Charlotte sees my hand coming or is aware of my presence before I even attempt to do anything.

Sheldon tells me that I'm just being protective and considerate and that he is sure Charlotte notices and appreciates the effort.

I tell him other things too. About the attempts to putting some normalcy back into our lives – holding hands, lunch "dates" (if you can call them that). I tell him about that young girl that came in and how I'm thankful that Charlotte didn't end up that way. Oh, and that Charlotte allowed me hug her that day.

Speaking of hugs, it felt weird having to announce to someone you love that you're hugging her. But I took some pointers from Naomi. She told me that she hugged Charlotte the day that I punched a parent. So I asked her how she was able to do that and she told me. I marvel at how Naomi, who has been away, knew what Charlotte needed in that instance and how I, Cooper Freedman, the fiancé, the one who should have been more understanding, shouted at her and was even sarcastic. So much for being considerate.

Sheldon reminded me that things will get better in time. Not just for Charlotte but also for myself. I certainly hope it sooner than later.

* * *

Lately there have been improvements on some fronts.

See, Charlotte absolutely won't allow physical contact when we are in bed together. She told me that I can sleep as close to her as possible but not to touch her. So since her "decree", I've been sleeping on my side, facing her. That's the most comfortable position I could find without waking up with a stiff neck.

Well several times now, I'd wake up in the middle of the night to find her hand in mine. I think that in her own way and, as usual, in her own terms, Charlotte is reaching out.

Then the other night, she woke up from a bad dream. She's been having less and less of those with less screaming too. I felt her sitting up with a jerk then squirming and trying to pull her hand from mine. In my semi-conscious state, I tightened my grip instead of letting go. I rolled onto my back; sort of tugged her towards me.

She landed on her side facing me and I opened my eyes in time to see her glaring at me. The sort of glare that usually accompanied shouting so I tried to head it off. I let go of her hand and tucked her hair behind her ears. I think I may have said "It's just a bad dream. I'm here, you're safe. No one's going to hurt you. "

I continue brushing her hair and said "Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Try and get some sleep. You're safe". And she does, in the same sleeping position I have been using for the past few months. When I wake up a few hours later, I find her head resting on my shoulder and her arm draped across mine. I steal a kiss before she wakes; a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Finally, perhaps the most surprising thing happened just yesterday. I was having a bad day. A young patient of mine died as a result of lingering illness. Robbie, that's his name. He was one of my favorite patients because his face lights up whenever he sees me. And he's always smiling even when he has to endure yet another procedure that will hurt him. Even when he knew he was dying.

Charlotte is not Chief of Staff for nothing. Somehow she gets wind of what happened and sets out to find me because she knew I will take it hard. She finds me later at the practice with my blinds drawn and door closed. I was staring out the window when she came in. I said "Not now Vi", thinking that Violet wanted to talk.

"It's a good thing I'm not Violet", she said as she stopped by my side. I looked at her and asked "What are you doing here? What's the matter?".

Taking my hand, she answered "I heard about Robbie. I'm so sorry. How are you holdin up? ".

I answered "I know you're always telling me not to get too close, that I'm too involved with my patients, but damn it, Charlotte, he's one of the good ones, you know?" . "Why do bad things always happen to the good ones, and I can't do anything about it?", I asked pointedly.

Sensing that I'm not just talking about Robbie anymore, Charlotte said "You're doing everything that you can and that's what counts. And the people that you care about…they know that you will always be there, no matter what.". Then she gives me a hug and whispers "Thank you for loving me and for being there for me.", followed by a kiss on the cheek.

We stayed like that for a while, until Charlotte untangled her arms and murmured that she has to go back to the hospital before she loses her job. Before stepping out the door, she turned around and asked "Hey Coop, do you feel like having a quiet dinner somewhere before we head home later?" I answered "Sure", with a big smile.

I guess Sheldon is right about a lot of things, about things getting better, especially when you are not looking. But don't tell him that, he's head is getting too big.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Charlotte's POV

As I enjoy some quiet musing, I can't help but recall what a journey we've had trying to get back to normal. Not an uneventful trip but with the ups, downs and occasional loops of a rollercoaster ride. And even now, it's still not as smooth as we would like it to be.

Since I was not yet ready for some of our former "activities", Cooper decided to take this time (of celibacy) to woo me. "An old-fashioned wooing of Charlotte King", he says. Cooper figures we done things backwards so wooing, which should have been the 1st step, it was. He's kinda cute about it actually.

Since I'm not the flowers or candy type, he really surprised me because he put a lot thought into finding unique things to give me. I'm thinking some of the ideas he may have gotten by calling my brothers. Good lord!

Then there's the dinner dates to small, intimate restaurants. New places, out of way places, where we were not likely to meet people we know. We' ve both become very miserly about this time together, not willing to share this with anyone else.

And we talked, boy did we talk a lot – everything under the sun, or well almost everything. I came to understand a lot of how Cooper became Cooper (Boy I'm beginning to sound like a shrink, don't I. Blame that on therapy that Cooper convinced me to go to. Yes, I'm more pliable when wooing is involved.). And I guess, I may have revealed more to him than I've ever done so in my life, even more than my therapist.

One of the things we talked about was what scared us the most. Cooper told me that he was afraid that the Charlotte he fell in love with will be gone forever. I told Cooper that I'm afraid that he will leave me, that he will find me so damaged and not woman enough that he would not want to wait for me anymore. That's why I tried to make it seem like everything was fine and dandy. After a while, Cooper said "Well, I have not left" and I said "I might not be able to fully come back but I'm trying". And we left it at that for now.

Another thing we tried to talk about was the elephant in the room, the rape. We were getting ready for bed one night and Cooper asked me if I can tell him about the attack and I told him that I might not be able to tell him everything, just yet. He tells me "Whatever you can". So I tell him about being excited to going home that day, holding the cake and going out the door of my office. How the cake fell from my hands when the guy hit me and pushed me back into my office. How and where I was hit when I was struggling and screaming for the guy to stop. That I was raped twice. I also told him that beyond the physical injuries, it is my soul that hurt the most. What happened during the rape, the rest of the things I told Addison, I'm not ready to tell Cooper just yet.

Cooper looked at me with tears in his eyes. He said he was so sorry he wasn't there to protect me and sorry for adding to the hurt I was already feeling and just sorry for even the things in the past. That's one of the things I love about Cooper, him caring too much, and I remind him of that. I told him it was not his fault and he can't protect me all the time. As for the other things, well, past is past.

I had a nightmare that night after our talk. Cooper was expecting this, I think. He woke up when I started thrashing and gently shook me awake. He then gathers me in his arms and pulls me close to him. I don't push him away. It took me awhile to fall back to sleep but I fell asleep with my head resting on Coop's shoulders while he rubbed my back.

Without my noticing it, I think I'm slowly opening up to physical contact and intimacy. It's not that I suddenly want to jump Cooper's bone or something. But my mind is getting used to Cooper touching my hand, my face, my shoulders or my back, the occasional kiss, the physical contact when he draws me into a hug. Oh, and there have been times when I would wake up to find that I've used Cooper as a human pillow, my arms around him and sometimes my legs draped across his.

Of course, Cooper, being Cooper, noticed that. I think he is more sensitive just because he has had to do without for awhile. So whenever he sees the opportunity, he would initiate the contact.

And the night we kissed, well, it was just a perfect moment. The restaurant we went to had a Japanese garden at the back. We stopped at the small wooden bridge over a koi pond. The night was so beautiful. It was a full moon and you can see the moon's reflection on the pond. I looked up to see Cooper staring at me. I said "Cat got your tongue?" . Cooper answered "No. Your beauty just leaves me breathless." Then he leans in and kisses me very lightly on the lips, then deepens the kiss a bit more when I responded. Sigh, I didn't even know I was missing that. Before he could pull away, I wrap my arms around his neck and he kissed me one more time. What a magical night it was.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Charlotte's POV

It was Cooper's suggestion to get away for a few days. "Maybe a beach somewhere. ", he said. After what we have been through this past 6 months, I quickly agreed. Water is calming and cleansing. I knew it would be a good place to be and perhaps let the water wash away the hurt and let more healing happen.

The wedding was my idea. I told Cooper that we might as well get on with it but I didn't want a big to do. I'm was even okay with eloping and just enjoy our time together. Then we can go visit our families and make the announcement afterwards

Cooper agrees and says we can always do something bigger, if we decide to, later. Says he'll take care of it and I just have to show up. It would be an understatement to say that I was a bit worried about entrusting this to Cooper. I mean, he's never planned a wedding before, has he? He was Violet's "maid of honor" but he just had to look pretty, show up and say some nice things to Violet.

But he said "Trust me" and deep inside I figured how badly can he mess up. The worse is he won't be able to find a justice of the peace or something.

* * *

At almost sunset, Cooper leads me towards a secluded corner of the resort. I can see a canopy (a chuppah, Cooper calls it) decorated with flowers and some sort of sheer cloth gently swaying in the wind. As we approach, 2 strangers stood under the canopy. Cooper introduces us – turns out one is a Rabbi and one is pastor.

We were both dressed simply for the ceremony. Cooper had on a white, long sleeved shirt with the sleeves folded up below his elbows and khaki slacks. I had on a spaghetti-strapped, calf- length dress.

Except for a resort personnel who was discretely taking pictures and a video, there were no guests. This was as intimate a wedding as one can hope for.

The ceremony was beautiful, incorporating both Jewish and Christian traditions. The richness of meaning of the traditions were not lost to us as the officiating ministers took time to explain what each part symbolized. We exchanged plain gold rings then traditional vows.

I looked in Cooper's eyes as I made my vows. Vows made more special because of our circumstance "to love and to cherish, …., for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.".

As Cooper finished his vows, he placed my hand on his heart and added "Charlotte, you hold my heart in your hands. I'm yours forever, no matter what.".

How can you not love a man like that? My eyes well up with tears when he said those words because I know that he meant them. And he did plan a wedding that's right for us.

It was a blur after that. I vaguely remember signing the marriage contract, being pronounced "man and wife" and hearing the permission to "kiss the bride". After the ceremony, we had a special meal set up beside the canopy. I couldn't take my eyes off my husband. It's going to take some time getting used to calling Coop, my husband.

* * *

After our meal, we walked along the shore heading towards our room. I admit I was a bit nervous because of what I'd decided to do even prior to coming here.

When we were first talked about the wedding and going away for a few days, I figured that I would like to give Cooper a proper wedding night. It would be my wedding gift to him and to myself. My therapist has been telling me that I'll know that the time is right. And this felt like the right time.

I was still battling with some demons and I didn't want to disappoint Cooper, in case I couldn't go through with it. So I kept the plan a surprise, I was counting on being ready in time for our wedding day.

Up to this point, Cooper takes his cues from my reactions. He knows that I can take the kissing, caressing, necking, and to a certain degree cuddling and physical contact. One of the things I have a bad reaction to is when he hovers over me so he seldom does that. But I knew I had to get over that aversion and soon.

While I was figuring out what to do, I realized 2 things. First, Cooper smells like, well, Cooper. Second, before the attack, I actually know how it feels like to have Coper hovering over me or how heavy he is when he's lying on top of me because we have been together for a while now. That should count for something, shouldn't it. I mean, my mind, my body and actually my soul is able to distinguish Cooper from, well, anybody else. So I though that if I concentrate on those 2 things, I might be able to get pass this.

As we stopped at the door of our room, I tensed up. Sensing that something was up, Cooper stopped and asked if I'm okay.

I took a deep breath and told him that I wanted us to have a proper wedding night. Cooper spoke and said "Charlotte, you marrying me, when I thought all might be lost, have made me the happiest person in the world." "The first time we make love again will be when you are ready and not a minute later. " "It doesn't matter what night it is."

He scoops me up in his arms and tells me "See, I don't want to hurt you and I won't be able to forgive myself, if I do." . I see the love shining through his eyes as he says those words.

I put both hands on his jaw and told Cooper that I really want this for us and that the time is right, even if it's scary. I also tell him "You won't hurt me. You'll never hurt me."

Cooper carries me across the threshold and lays me on the bed. As he hovers above me, I close my eyes and breath in the scent that is Cooper. I reach for him and pull him down for a kiss. We are going to be alright.

* * *

I awaken to the sun streaming through the windows and the smell of the ocean. A slight breeze causes the sheer curtains to flap to and fro. I'm alone in bed but the side where Cooper slept is still warm. I see him through the open doors. I rose from the bed to join him.

Cooper hears me and turns around. Smiling, he held out his hand when I approach. I grab his hand and he gives me a little twirl so he ends up behind me with his arms hugging me close. He gives me a little kiss on the neck, just below my ear. We both enjoy the view from the veranda, overlooking the water.

_The End._

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* * *

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A/N: Just wanted to say thank you to those who read this story because I felt pressured to finish what I started. This exercise has made me appreciate the authors of the books I've read and will be reading and the writers of the shows that I watch. I don't think I can truly understand the effort they go through to write put that story into paper.


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